Download Responding to Some Concerns PDF
When you use materials from Welcoming Schools, issues, concerns and questions may arise in conversations with parents, guardians, administrators or school boards. This section provides ideas on how to discuss concerns or questions that may arise related to being inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.
While conversations about race, ethnicity, class and religion remain difficult for many people, our society generally shares the value of respect — or at least tolerance — for people who are of a different religious, racial, cultural or ethnic background than our own. We can largely agree that certain race-based or religious-based slurs are unacceptable, and we expect educators and all school related personnel to intervene when they see or hear name-calling or harassment based on characteristics associated with these categories.
However, anti-gay attitudes or behavior are often tolerated, and many students still “get away” with using slurs or words that are very hurtful to LGBT people and their families. Because LGBT people and topics are often not included in anti-bias work or conversations about diversity, it may be that educators and parents/guardians in your school community have less knowledge of or comfort with these conversations.
It is always helpful to emphasize your values instead of dwelling on the fears. Move the conversation from focusing on the myths and stereotypes about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and families, to emphasizing what this work is really about – supporting all students. If conversations are framed by myths and stereotypes, the resulting dialogue is more likely to linger on negativity and fear rather than focusing on positive aspects of welcoming schools.
Listen carefully to the concerns that are expressed. This will help you find points of agreement. For example, we all share values of family and respect. What follows are some examples of specific language that might be helpful.
We are talking about FAMILY.
Families of all kinds are essential to students’ well-being. When any parents or guardians are discussed, whether they are heterosexual, gay, adoptive, kinship, single or married, educators are simply discussing family.
- Roberto is talking about his family when he talks about visiting his grandparents with his two moms and younger brother, just as Sasha is talking about her family when she describes her vacation with her mommy, daddy and sister.
- Showing a book that has two dads cooking dinner for their child shows two parents caring for their son.
- Seeing a film with children talking about the many kinds of families that they are growing up in, shows many ways that caring adults are raising children.
The resources in Welcoming Schools help students see love and concern for children as the common threads that run through caring families.
We are talking about RESPECT.
In elementary school, the word “gay” is used widely as a put-down; often to mean that something is stupid. Students use the phrase “That’s so gay” long before they know what the word “gay” means. Anti-gay or gender-related put-downs are among the most commonly heard slurs in school environments.[1] When educators address the use of the word “gay,” they are not introducing either the topic or the vocabulary.
When name-calling and put-downs are discussed it is important for educators to explicitly discuss the kinds of words that students are using. Words like gay or queer or sissy are words that hurt their classmates and friends. In these discussions on name-calling it is respect that is being discussed.
Schools strive to increase understanding and connections across diversity or difference.
Schools are places where many diverse people come together — many kinds of families, many races, many ethnicities and many faiths. Students and communities are best served when their members learn to get along with one another, understand one another and respect one another. Part of learning for students is to see and appreciate the diversity that exists in their classroom, their school, and the wider community. While there are differences, people also share much in common.
As our world and our interactions with people grow increasingly diverse, students benefit from developing the skills to live and work with many different kinds of people.
Children with same-sex parents are a racially, culturally and geographically diverse group.
Across America in suburban, rural and urban schools there are children with LGBT parents, grandparents
or guardians.
- Households headed by same-sex couples are reported in virtually every U.S. county according to the U.S. Census.[2]
- In heavily rural states such as Mississippi, South Dakota and Alaska, same-sex households are more likely to have children than same-sex households in other states.[3]
- In a look at U.S. Census data, approximately two thirds of same-sex Latino couples are raising children.[4]
- The California Census data shows that more than half of African-American same-sex couples are raising children.[5] (Click here for more research.)
It is important for all children to be a part of discussions of families, name-calling and current events.
As our world becomes increasingly diverse, students will meet people — classmates, teammates, friends — with many kinds of families. Some will have parents, grandparents, guardians or other relatives who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. It is inevitable that discussions will and already do come up about what it means to be LGBT.
In today’s environment the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual” or “transgender” come up in the context of current events. Students hear them in the news and in other media and in all aspects of their lives. It can only be expected that questions about their exposure will arise when they come to school and may arise in conversations and questions in the classroom.
When students are not allowed to discuss LGBT-related topics, it heightens the mystery and potentially divisiveness of the topic. All students benefit from discussions about family diversity, stopping put-downs and bullying and exploring their curiosity and questions about current events.
In many states there are specific regulations for parental notification when the school curriculum addresses sexuality. However, when educators discuss family diversity, it is family — children’s families — that is being discussed. In the lessons on name-calling, educators are discussing understanding and respect.
Communication is essential for building trust between school and home.
It is important for parents/guardians to know what is going on in their child’s classroom — whether it is about academics, such as the math unit they are covering, or about discussion of different kinds of families or hurtful LGBT-related or any other name-calling.
Some parents may feel more comfortable talking about their child’s math lesson than talking about families with two moms or dads or about what “gay” or “lesbian” means. Parents may not know how to approach the topic with children. They may feel caught off-guard when a child asks about it. Knowing how these conversations happen at school can be helpful.
Schools have successfully held evening forums that discuss families or that talk about how to handle hurtful teasing and bullying. Information for and communication with families is essential to building trust between school and home.
Family respect includes respect for religious beliefs.
Public schools include people with many different religious beliefs. The role of schools is not to get everyone to agree but to foster a climate where there is respect for the diversity of beliefs and families within a community. Respect is built by acknowledging the diversity in the community, promoting opportunities for community dialogue and allowing the diversity of families to be visible within the school. Most people can agree that it is appropriate for schools to teach kindness and mutual respect for others’ beliefs.
Schools are a place for informed and open discussions.
Information and discussion will not make anyone gay or straight. As students grow older, some will identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Most LGBT people grew up in households headed by heterosexual parents. On the other hand, knowing or learning about gay people might make someone less likely to insult or threaten someone he or she thinks is gay. Or, it might help someone not allow a friend to be ostracized for having a LGBT parent.
[1] Harris Interactive & GLSEN, “From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, A Survey of Students and Teachers,” 2005 (retrieved April 5, 2007), (p. 7).
[2] Judith Bradford, Kirsten Barrett & Julie A. Honnold, “2000 Census and Same-Sex Households: A User’s Guide,” National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, October 2002 (p. 4).
[3] Sean Cahill, Mitra Ellen & Sarah Tobias, “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Parents and Their Children,” Family Policy: Issues Affecting Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Families, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Jan. 22, 2003.
[4] J. Cianciotto, “Hispanic and Latino Same-Sex Couple Households in the United States: A Report from the 2000 Census,” National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute and the National Latino/a Coalition for Justice, 2005.
[5] Gary Gates & Bradley Sears, “Black Same-Sex Couples in California,” Williams Project at the University of California — Los Angeles School of Law, September 2005.
